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Broderick

I think I want a divorce. You're probably going to want to flag this. It is miscategorized after all.
I'm married. To a wonderful woman, actually. For more than a decade. And I think I want it to be over. Maybe it already is.
You're probably wondering, "Why doesn't he talk to his friends about this?" I'm not exactly...that way. My fault, of course. However, I've built for myself a series of friendships that are safely, securely, at arm's length. Who knows why I do this. Why I've done it. Surely at some point, I should figure that out, because I am missing out on some deep, fulfilling relationships after all. Regardless, right now, I have no friends with whom I would feel comfortable sharing this. So, I'm sharing it with the anonymous world of CL. Probably a complete waste of time and energy, yet I'm compelled to share it by my own desire to purge it from my system.
So flag me if you like. Or read it. Or don't. It doesn't really matter anyway.
As I was saying, she's a wonderful woman. I don't think this is her "fault". Sure, we have our problems, and she is responsible for some of them. So am I.
However, I'm afraid that our differences have added up to needing to part ways. It's a painful thing to face, I think. One that more than half of married people face on a yearly basis, statistiy. For some of them, I'm sure it's obvious. He cheated. She has a gambling problem that won't go away. They both have career goals that are more important than marriage. Or worse.
My situation, like so many others, isn't quite so simple. Certainly not cut and dry.
We met when we were in our early 20's. Both had been engaged before to the "wrong people", if there is such a thing. We fell in love pretty quickly. Got married. Typical boy meets girl type of story.
Over the years, things have gotten better...and worse. I can't really explain well what I mean by that, I don't think. By "better", I mean that she and I have grown to have a very deep friendship, and an unshakable love for each other. By worse, I mean that we've simultaneously learned that we have very little in common, in terms of interests and values. And that love is a platonic love. There is no romance left between us. No affection. Certainly no sex.
I know what you're thinking. This guy's just looking to break with his wife because he needs more action. "Buck up.", you'd tell me. "Every marriage becomes sexless after a while."
This isn't about sex. Our lack of sexual intimacy is simply a symptom of something deeper. A lack of romantic interest. A lack of physical attraction. On both sides.
Don't get me wrong. She is a beautiful woman. A knockout. I'm the envy of all of my guy friends. In fact, if there are physical deficiencies it's likely on my part. I'm no Brad Pitt, but she's definitely an Angelina Jolie. A world class beauty. Yes, I'm very lucky in that regard.
However, she has been relegated in the space of my mind to the role of friend. Imagine your sibling...you love your sibling, right? Your brother? Your sister? Now imagine being sexually attracted to that person. Yeah. That's where we're at. We love each other, but definitely not like that, and the idea of it is now somewhat repugnant.
Supposedly this sort of thing can be fixed with therapy. I guess I believe that, however there's more.
And if you're still reading, and you care to share your thoughts, by all means, email me.
We have the usual differences. Things that ultimately shouldn't make or break a relationship. Different tastes in music. Movies. Literature. She likes to go to clubs. Clubs make my head want to explode. I like to hang out with friends. She's anti-social.
Those aren't all that important, I suppose. But of course there's more.
We can't talk to each other anymore. We're starting to irritate each other when we're together. My interests and opinions regarding deeper matters like religion, politics, philosophy, history, art...they simply don't align with hers. We can't talk about our own financial future. We can't talk about what we'll do next year. We can't talk about anything, really. We're best friends who have nothing to talk about anymore.
Thankfully, we have no children. I'm aware that this simplifies things. However, our lives and futures are now so intertwined that I can't imagine a future that doesn't have her in it. As simple as splitting seems it would be without kids, it sure feels complicated to me.
As much as I want my marriage to be over, I also don't want it to be over. Maybe some of you, married or divorced, can understand that.
Initially, I thought the answer was to have an affair.
I may have lost you there. It didn't happen, just so you know. I've never cheated...besides a very brief online relationship and a kiss. I met someone. But all it really did was remind me what it's like to feel a connection with a woman. To want her. I wanted desperately for her to want me back. And that felt good. Even though she didn't reciprocate my desire, it felt good to want someone to want me. A specific person, I mean. Everyone wants to be wanted. It's an entirely different feeling to want that girl to want you. It stung when she didn't want me back, but again, it just helped me start to address the deeper issues beautiful mature ready casual sex dating free webcam chat adult I'm facing. Or, wasn't facing, as it were.
I love her. I'm afraid I've stopped liking her.
What do you do, when all you're left with is platonic love and the complication of ending a 13-year relationship?
Is it fear, keeping me with her?
Is it love?
I often say to my friends that if you get divorced for "you", then you missed the whole point of marriage. It's not about "me", or "you". Every marriage I've ever seen fail, failed because of "me" or "you". Every marriage I've ever seen that was about "we" and "us", has been successful.
Yet here I am, wondering if my health -- her health -- is at risk here. Will I reach the end of my life and regret staying in a relationship that doesn't fulfill me? Doesn't make me happy? Because it doesn't anymore. It doesn't make me happy. I'm so unhappy.
Then again, my happiness isn't really the most important thing in the world, is it? And what relationship doesn't stagnate over time?
That's probably what this boils down to. I find myself questioning the very nature of marriage, romantic relationships...love. Is it all really what we've dreamed about? Or is it just a vapor? An invention? A contrivance we hold dear because we want it to work?
See, I thought an affair would protect my marriage, somehow. Stop laughing. I really did. I thought, if I could get those things I'm missing from someone else...and maybe I'd be providing the same things to her...then perhaps my wife and I could stay together, blissfully fulfilled by simply being friends and excellent roommates. We do live together well, after all. As it turns out, even considering an affair may have been my marriage's ultimate undoing.
Am I able to answer these questions while remaining married? Or do I need to just end it so that both she and I can get on with our lives? Am I stringing her along? Am I just being selfish?
Ugh.
I feel trapped. I feel alone. I feel unwanted. And I hate, hate, hate self-pity. I'm tired of it. I'm so tired. Perhaps I just need to man up and do what needs to be done. Addington OK milf personals
Madalyn

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