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Celebrating Christmas Holiday greetings to all, To keep this short, simple, and sweet: I am a 27 year old naughty women looking nsa Bellevue male who is looking to celebrate Christmas with another person (or family). Unfortunately, I have no family in the area. I have lived here, going on 3 years now. I Just need the social interaction to appease my gregarious nature. Besides, who likes being alone on Christmas? -

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heres to our closure. now you can raise your glass. w4w Do you trust me? I know you dont. Did you ever really experience any affection for me? Did you ever really think of me in the context as I did you? Was this just one big continuum pity party at my expense for you and others? Am I the laughing stock of the office? Was I such a monstrosity to you where you found it incredibly repulsive to be around me or even speak for that matter?
I often wear my heart on the inside out. I try hard to give people the benefit of the doubt. Mainly those I behold with a purpose. I'm tired of regret and starting all over because of failed purposes and intentions and all the negativity to go with it. My over-all goal at this point is to move to a new place I can truely home. FRESH new start, new people, new everything. I want so much to move on and begin a new chapter in my life. My child deserves a happy, content, and sane life and mom as well. It's funny, if I were to reveal some of my inner most thoughts or even the slightest bit of concern I may have to anyone, I would be diagnosed(paranoid) and medicated without any given thought or possibility to truth. If you are reading this then I rest my point. I know I'm being tagged. I've always known. But to what what extent or purpose and intention, that I am unsure of. Scary and uncomfortable at times.
Anyway, I'm afraid of contingentcy. I dread a hurt heart. The what ifs alone have me feeling quite vulnerable. Definitely not in my comfort zone. I am not looking for a cardboard view of love or friendship. I dont want the so-ed love fairy tale fantasy without any hopes of becoming reality. I'm ready to move above and beyond. Felt like a fish out of water from the start. But not the only reason. this so-ed distant love, I have plenty of. When will someone really want to get to know me for me. Not from a distance or through others but really want to get to know me and accept me for me. What a loose wing I've become. Trying to find and fill some empty void in my life. Willing to accept the cons out-weighing the pros. Please dont think for a second tthat I'm desperate and unable to achieve anyone b/c thatis just not the case. It's simply those certain types of women(my type) that I had developed interest for were either involved, heterosexual, too afraid, too much to loose, not right for me etc. and thats ok. It hurts, but thats ok. sadly enough though, too far and inbetween and never promising. Maybe I'm just not ready.
Theres so much that I've been wanting to say but know I shouldnt. It's kept in my very own personal safe deposit box. Untouchable until it completely disintegrates. I know that I put myself, and you into this uneasy and awkward situation. My feeling now is theres not much to do or say about it but to ride out this wave until it blows over. Nothing good has or will come from this. Expecially for me. Perhaps one day I can finally let all my love, resentments, appreciations, regrets, joys and sorrows unscrambled, prioritized and out of my system. For the record, I never really found tatts appealing. Only on you. You've ruined the whole tatt experience. I could never look at another one the same again lol. well, guess this is it hun. Take great care
Sincerely and with much tender thoughts and affection;
B. Known>3 BAK

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