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heres to our closure. now you can raise your glass. w4w Do you trust me? I know you dont. Did you ever really experience any affection for me? Did you ever really think of me in the context as I did you? Was this just one big continuum pity party at my expense for you and others? Am I the laughing stock of the office? Was I such a monstrosity to you where you found it incredibly repulsive to be around me or even speak for that matter?
I often wear my heart on the inside out. I try hard to give people the benefit of the doubt. Mainly those I behold with a purpose. I'm tired of regret and starting all over because of failed purposes and intentions and all the negativity to go with it. My over-all goal at this point is to move to a new place I can truely home. FRESH new start, new people, new everything. I want so much to move on and begin a new chapter in my life. My child deserves a happy, content, and sane life and mom as well. It's funny, if I were to reveal some of my inner most thoughts or even the slightest bit of concern I may have to anyone, I would be diagnosed(paranoid) and medicated without any given thought or possibility to truth. If you are reading this then I rest my point. I know I'm being tagged. I've always known. But to what what extent or purpose and intention, that I am unsure of. Scary and uncomfortable at times.
Anyway, I'm afraid of contingentcy. I dread a hurt heart. The what ifs alone have me feeling quite vulnerable. Definitely not in my comfort zone. I am not looking for a cardboard view of love or friendship. I dont want the so-ed love fairy tale fantasy without any hopes of becoming reality. I'm ready to move above and beyond. Felt like a fish out of water from the start. But not the only reason. this so-ed distant love, I have plenty of. When will someone really want to get to know me for me. Not from a distance or through others but really want to get to know me and accept me for me. What a loose wing I've become. Trying to find and fill some empty void in my life. Willing to accept the cons out-weighing the pros. Please dont think for a second tthat I'm desperate and unable to achieve anyone b/c thatis just not the case. It's simply those certain types of women(my type) that I had developed interest for were either involved, heterosexual, too afraid, too much to loose, not right for me etc. and thats ok. It hurts, but thats ok. sadly enough though, too far and inbetween and never promising. Maybe I'm just not ready.
Theres so much that I've been wanting to say but know I shouldnt. It's kept in my very own personal safe deposit box. Untouchable until it completely disintegrates. I know that I put myself, and you into this uneasy and awkward situation. My feeling now is theres not much to do or say about it but to ride out this wave until it blows over. Nothing good has or will come from this. Expecially for me. Perhaps one day I can finally let all my love, resentments, appreciations, regrets, joys and sorrows unscrambled, prioritized and out of my system. For the record, I never really found tatts appealing. Only on you. You've ruined the whole tatt experience. I could never look at another one the same again lol. well, guess this is it hun. Take great care
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Love comes under the least expected guises.That statement should be enough to fill this box dont you think?...Whatever...,Id expect you to be sincere,honest,trustworthy A positive person with a zest for life,a free thinker, Your race,creed,religion,age,physical appearance,eating,smoking or drinking habits...etc ...isnt of importance to me.Your character IS.I mean it .So those of you out there that society pigeonholes and labels as fat ,old and ugly,please dont let such short-sightedness stop you from writing me.I strongly believe theres much more to it than glass paper and glossy looks.Theres CHARACTER.Nothing beats character not even aging, you see(and we all know what the former does to looks-no matter what Joan Collins might say ). If you see yourself in this(and if you dont:remember the least expected guises?),then dont hesitate to write now;YOU WONT REGRET IT.



INTERESTS:
Mind you ,my interests could fill an encyclopeadia(or your computers memory,you choose).First and foremost,I like people,yes I do .It might sound naive a statement but I still believe in the inherent good in the Human form.... I like PRACTISING sports(I am not a couch potato):bodybuiding 3 times a week,basketball once a week, soccer once a week , jogging for 3 hours early on thursdays(before work) and on Sundays . I like my work( consultant for tech companies ).I like the fact that I can work free-lance as it affords me full amplitude to bringing my ideas to fruitful conclusion without HINDERING SUPERVISION(you read me right?)
I'd just like to add...
I love listening and dancing to music and Im said to be a real sensation on the dancefloor,seeming to enlighten it with my dazzling footsteps.I love reading books and scientific publications.Im a real movie buff,you know what I mean ,a REAL one.I like cooking(yes I do! ) to friends but more importantly for my special other,and then wed have a candlelit dinner with;my funny Valentine; in the background,you know, that type of thing ;no need for visuals right?I love making love to my special other Cross-cultural communication is something that really makes me tick(oh already said that right? gosh!).I love languages. I enjoy travelling,which is also the driving force behind my learning and practising foreign languages(I speak a few African languages,German, Japanese,and of course French).I find it hard to conceive of a travelling venture that doesnt include extensively exchanging with the locals.And knowing their language does help doesnt it?

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